Pain Associated with Loss

Once the sense of loss has been identified, each of us then needs to realize the loss experience was and perhaps still is painful. One of the natural defenses of the mind, and a defense mechanism that we have learned is too deny pain. This denial of pain is a survival instinct which serves us in the first stage of the loss experience; to step fully into the healing process we must acknowledge that the loss really truly hurt. Moving out of denying the pain of separation, the pain of being alone, the pain of hearing or seeing the loss occur, etc.

Denial of pain keeps us protected, but also holds us in the past; and each of us will at some point need to be willing to feel the pain, for one intense second. Feel the punch, kick, crush of the loss. Once we have felt the pain then we can allow the tears to fall. Tears come when we experience physical pain and these are the tears we seek. When we are hit hard physically tears come, it hurts. When we are hit hard emotionally tears come and they symbolize sadness. Tears are good, and we should pay attention to which tears are falling. Then we allow the release of the held breath/the shock, of learning about the loss. 

Once we have felt the pain without attaching emotion, pain without engaging mental defense; this is when we begin to move toward living and out of surviving.